Authentic and Free to be me

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  • the beauty of a solid yoga practice

    This morning I felt this calling to get on my mat to sort thru feelings, feelings of how to re establish my purpose in life. To get excited to get back into the gardens. Yes, I do have a community garden that I started but at times I get into my feels and it gets put on the back burner, Good thing I have such beautiful support on property when this happens.

    so back to my purpose ! Currently its about a solid yoga practice! being with your mat, just you and the mat, breath and thoughts is all I need. Its cheaper than a therapist and since I work at Blackswanyoga doing a work trade its free to attend all the classes I want. I Love Love Love the teachers at Black Swan. They put so much love into their classes. I am still in awe, on how they curate a class with music and how the music changes with each step of class. For them to memorize the correct name of each pose, talk thru class with such love. I took a yin yoga workshop with my sister from another mother Mari Bird. She taught that workshop with such love and how she shows up to all her classes she teaches.

    Back to the yoga mat. This morning, was different. Deep in thought, working thru a bit of a fog in my psyche, with tears forming and hope I could get the release as sometimes we all just need a good cry. I felt more centered than normal, usually I can be kind of a spaz / dancing while doing yoga. depends on my mood but today was just in a trance so to speak. Leaning into the pain in my heart and trying to shake it. How to detach from some aspects of my life and reattach in my purpose. I’m holding too strongly and co dependancy is happening and need to detach to get my bearings back, get grounded and find me again. My intention for class was, Clarity. perfect !

    Class was probably one of the Best Classes I have taken in a long time, I am in good shape, flexibility is on point and did do 2 perfect trees on both sides. Huge for me!

    After class, started to listening to one of my favorite songs

    author Satsang song is I AM

    On the drive home, the thought of a blog came to my thoughts, walked into my house and went straight to figuring out how to make it happen. and Here I am!

  • What does it mean to be Authentic and Free?

    Self Love comes to mind, leaning into my feels, Self expression to show love and tears to a group of people. To share how I love hard and in the end I just want to feel loved, with a quivering lip and tears flowing. To be Authentic and Free is sharing moments with not holding back on being judged, to be free to be how I show up.

    Yes! as I am writing this, it is bit daunting that I could be judged / sappy/ weak but leaning into ones fears and doing it anyways takes a mindset into a pure freedom of self.

    Like a friend of mine who on her bucket list is skydiving and bungee jumping. Now that is a perfect example of authenticity and freedom, I don’t think I am at that level yet but a good example of just going for it. Surrender on the way down. and freedom when you step into your fears.

    What does it mean to share your day to day highs and lows with the world, triumphs, ah ha moments, quotes, breakthroughs, jokes, quirky sayings, frustrations, and what not. Call it an insight into a public journal or sorts. As I struggle with validation and accountability. I have the hardest time journaling and staying consistent. This is my way of having a journal. To share my thoughts on paper, how dark or light they could be.

    I have nothing to hide, and not worried of being judged as I have been thru the depths of darkness that criticism doesn’t really apply to me. I may take this blog private as it is now public. Not really knowing how blogs work. The way I see it, I’m not forcing anyone to come to the page and we are all in free choice these days.

    I find it nice to write a question and then go deep within, whether i have the answer or talk it out on paper. To go into the shadow of ones self, dig deep, and look at the answers. To go into ones shadow and look for the part where it originated from, usually in childhood. This is not a way to cast blame or have a poor me blog. I had a beautiful childhood and my parents did a great job. Just certain ways on how I grew up transferred to my adult life and now its my calling to sort them out. From time to time will post a question and dig deep to sort it out.

    “I can’t heal another if I am not healed myself”

    “healing is a process of Love and Surrender” and excited to be able to go on this path

    You would see me in public and never know by talking to me, that I am going down a healing journey and self love, surrender and forgiveness. Meaning, my life is really pretty awesome now! I just want to make it even more stellar and figure out the meaning of LIFE!