Last night was on a zoom call with my therapist Brian Kurtz, healed by spirit, who I saw once a week for 2 years, did 2 shadow workshops and a level 1 healers course. The zoom call is every Wednesday for returning students of his work.
“You are good enough however you show up”
This has been instilled in me from him for years, and in turn it stuck with me. Going back to the saying, “fake it until you make it.” The more I keep saying this to me, and how I share this with others, and allow myself to feel what this saying is, it starts to reign true.
Bear with me as I go on a tangent in my mind, as I try and get my words out, get grounded, get into a flow, and start channeling. Brian thinks I channel thru typing. as I listen to the rain that is falling outside, not getting caught up into writing the perfect piece, as this is a blog, not a magazine article. this is a hobby to write, I am not jumping thru hoops to write a perfect piece. this is supposed to be fun, and as i take a step back. it is!
Not take life so serious – to be enough
to live day in and day out in gratitude – to be enough
to have wonderful friends – to be enough
to have the Best Dog and my best friend – to be enough
to have the purest water from GAIA / Motherearth, who has blessed me, and in turn, chose me to be the steward – to be enough
to the divine, who orchested events to allow this property to fall into my families hands, and in turn my father gifted me the opportunity to go after my dreams of gifting it back to community and spread unconditional love – to be enough
to have a loving community on the farm that I hand picked to keep me safe, and for me to protect and keep them safe – to be enough
As I am writing the last sentence, a smile formed, as I thought about the Kundalini Training I am in, and how I feel at home – to be enough
FAMILY / Safe / Home
this is my central theme recently. it comes up time and time again recently. I have done lots of yoga, and many of different studios, and have cried openly in class in many of studios, but at the same time felt ashamed for showing emotions, wiping away the tears, so no one would see the tears. is it acceptable to cry, is it ok to be real, especially in a world where you need to be put together. Then comes this recent experience, and how I feel it was divinely guided.
I was at black swan yoga where I volunteer and my friend came in, and I never sit in the front row for one, and I set up my mat before anyone else got there. And my friend had her mat in the space next to where i was set up. and after class we talked a bit and hadn’t seen myfriend in ages. She said I am going to a kundalini class on Friday if i want to go. and I was like sure, I have always wanted to go to a Kundalini class. When Friday came around, I was like, what do you wear to Kundalini Class, so I googled it, cotton / linen, as they are natural fibers, and remember from the plant medicine world im in, thats what people wear. One thing I learned recently and I am guilty of this and wanting to change my ways, is that some clothing like lu lu lemon have forever chemicals in them, and linen / cotton are natural and help with energy movement, prana (energy), and are high frequency. I am a weird one as I love to go deep in the rabbit hole of life.
From the Divine! I feel as if nothing is by chance! As I talk to the ceiing people on the daily, or my angels that I can’t see, but trust they are there listening, as I get number synchronicities at the right time, sometimes at my lowest spots in life. When I have given up hope, I willl look down at my phone and see a specific time and look up the angel number meaning, and it gets me hope that I am supported and not alone. What are the chances my friend and are would practice so close together, and even deeper, it all stemmed from another friend of ours who brought her to my farm to see it and pick up mushroom (mycellium) blocks to use in her garden. You never know the impact of one person in ones life, and the ripple effect. has happened to me more than once by one person.
Divine Timing! I have been going thru years and years of not feeling safe to be me, to be good enough however I showed up. attending classes, not knowing the words or any idea of whats going on and I hear “fake it to you make it.” reassurance that I don’t have to have it all together, that I can “just be” and I am good enough. The safety I felt in the Kundalini class is something that can’t be faked, its either you embody safety in your persona, non judgement or you don’t. And I am a crier by nature, as I go thru my journey, i’ve come to a place of this is just who I am. to be able to shed tears not payed attention to and act like its normal is GOLD. its like a found a place, the divine knew is what I needed, a place and a person like the teacher who holds the safest container. Especially from a guy who has done 5 bufo ceremonies which is ego death, I know its all about a safe container. For me to surrender and allow the feelings to come to the surface, I NEED to feel SAFE! My angels know this is my next step in my journey. and it goes back to the word TRUST. When I’m uncertain about life, I goto sleep and utter the word TRUST, and tell the ceiliing people to keep me safe, hug my best friend Aries, red / white border collie, who is from the divine. He is reincarnated from a previous dog I had named Ernie, according to a dog whisperer. Who recently I found out has a purple aura when I dropped into the 5D, when i put my head to his and closed my eyes, his energy was purple, another time for how that happened. This all goes back to the fact that I am protected.
I have gone thru so much in my life, as we all have hidden stories. What I have come to realize. To be kind to another person, and not judge, as you don’t know what they have been thru. When I meet someone and they trust me to share even a glimpse of their story, so grateful, that they trust me enough to share. As with this blog, I do my best not to share names, and with my scorpio rising, im so protective of my friends, and my true friends and chosen family are protective of me. Feeling protected has to be the BEST feeling in the world. to know you are special and good enough however you show up!
Authentic and Free to be me 