Authentic and Free to be me

Tag: life

  • when you get up at 330am because that is the normal time you wake up

    I tend to wake up quite a bit around the 3am area and then somehow go back to sleep. I woke up feeling at peace which is such a nice feeling to have.

    I read an article yesterday about how to practice empathy. How to become more empathetic, talked about asking people to share their story, to walk in another persons shoes. I feel and want to see what its like to hear other people’s stories. I have such good friends and know some of their stories and it is just so heartbreaking.

    We all have stories of struggle and pain, but to get to a place in friendships where some will open up and share to me, I hold that just so dear to my heart that they trust me enough to share their stories.

    Its so easy to look at someone and be like “look at you” how could you have pain, you have led a privledged life, or you are so athletic, beautiful, or what not. Its easy to cast judgements of others to see surface stuff, I’m guilty of it, but when I get to see below the surface and friends or even strangers tell you their stories, then it pulls at your heartstrings.

    To really listen to my female friends and what they have to endure in a male dominated world. No words can describe the struggle and pain. A past romantic interest would tell me how clients would talk to her and call her sweetie, dear, and other things, and was just appalled. she would tell me how the world is male dominated.

    I love to hear stories of how women are kicking ass and dominating in a male dominated world. I would love to see a woman president, I think more would get done and more love would be cast around the world. If a woman can bear a child, have moon cycles, and be just so empathetic would say a lot about life in general. Women and their protective natures, the absolute best on keeping me safe.

    Yes, I tend to have more women friends. I just relate more to women, and men that are more sensitive in nature. men that have caring hearts and more heartfelt. I feel I am bit more sensitive than the normal guy, doesn’t make me less mainly, as I feel I have more talents then most men. In my human design, one of my gifts is this natural ability to have talents that just come to me

    of course when i come back to my computer after snuggling with aries the clock reads 4:44 , I always see triple digits. happens everyday, and sometimes 3 times a day, no this doesn’t mean i sit by the phone or clock or look for them, they just appear. then i look up angel number meanings.

  • Random thoughts

    Emotions come and go, I put a question up there on what does it feel like to be loved, held and supported, then drew a blank. Tired probably of doing 2 hours of hot yoga today which is to be loved of self.

    what does it feel like to be loved / held / and supported? Hard to put what it feels like into words. When I read a touching text message on it, tears flow and I take it all in that no matter what, I am loved and matter. (I know I matter to so many but when you read it in a way that its unconditional love and how its deep from someone’s heart, something about it just causes you to feel a certain way)

    I know self love is a way to feel loved and when I say I need to love me or my inner child to feel loved, and its on me. Well at times, I am tired of carrying that kind of load.

    what does it feel like to get a hug from someone special in your life and for them to say “I Love You” it means I feel SAFE. it feels like a warm blanket all around me and know that I matter to someone else. That I am LOVED! that they won’t let anything happen to me. which can be taken back to my childhood and being safe and protected. My childhood was a tough at times, and many of times didn’t feel safe and protected. Probably why I try to be safe to others and protect them when I can because I know the feelings all to well. so maybe I am a bit more empathetic then i think I am. I guess I need to give myself permission to feel and allow it.

    what does unconditional love feel like. My red and white border collie dog Aries is the prime example of it. Always happy to see me, snuggle with me, keep me safe, and feel like he knows what im talking about. wicked smart! if I could figure out how to post a pic i would of him. next time.

    well i am off to bed as i can’t see straight. thank you for reading my posts and being kind .

    farmer kelly

  • What does it mean to be Authentic and Free?

    Self Love comes to mind, leaning into my feels, Self expression to show love and tears to a group of people. To share how I love hard and in the end I just want to feel loved, with a quivering lip and tears flowing. To be Authentic and Free is sharing moments with not holding back on being judged, to be free to be how I show up.

    Yes! as I am writing this, it is bit daunting that I could be judged / sappy/ weak but leaning into ones fears and doing it anyways takes a mindset into a pure freedom of self.

    Like a friend of mine who on her bucket list is skydiving and bungee jumping. Now that is a perfect example of authenticity and freedom, I don’t think I am at that level yet but a good example of just going for it. Surrender on the way down. and freedom when you step into your fears.

    What does it mean to share your day to day highs and lows with the world, triumphs, ah ha moments, quotes, breakthroughs, jokes, quirky sayings, frustrations, and what not. Call it an insight into a public journal or sorts. As I struggle with validation and accountability. I have the hardest time journaling and staying consistent. This is my way of having a journal. To share my thoughts on paper, how dark or light they could be.

    I have nothing to hide, and not worried of being judged as I have been thru the depths of darkness that criticism doesn’t really apply to me. I may take this blog private as it is now public. Not really knowing how blogs work. The way I see it, I’m not forcing anyone to come to the page and we are all in free choice these days.

    I find it nice to write a question and then go deep within, whether i have the answer or talk it out on paper. To go into the shadow of ones self, dig deep, and look at the answers. To go into ones shadow and look for the part where it originated from, usually in childhood. This is not a way to cast blame or have a poor me blog. I had a beautiful childhood and my parents did a great job. Just certain ways on how I grew up transferred to my adult life and now its my calling to sort them out. From time to time will post a question and dig deep to sort it out.

    “I can’t heal another if I am not healed myself”

    “healing is a process of Love and Surrender” and excited to be able to go on this path

    You would see me in public and never know by talking to me, that I am going down a healing journey and self love, surrender and forgiveness. Meaning, my life is really pretty awesome now! I just want to make it even more stellar and figure out the meaning of LIFE!