As I am sitting here watching the series 100 near the end of the series, kept thinking about control, trust, faith and surrender. what is the opposite of control is trust that everything will work out if you just have faith, but to have faith you must surrender to expectations and to the unknown.
expectations to the unknown is a place that is hard to grasp. As I was taught that to go after what i want takes actions and actions sometimes involves control.
control in ones actions, and in a positive way could come down to being mindful. Mindful of ones actions, and how these actions affect self, another person, and an outcome.
Surrender and Mindfulness come into play. I think there is something here to look at. I wanted to get my thought process on paper before I forgot the thought behind all of this.
What also comes into play is believing and self esteem, to push forward into thinking and believing with conviction. Like how I posted in an email on what is love and unconditional love?
To go after not ever controlling in a negative way to harm another, including myself, and to control an outcome takes conviction. To really believe that everything will unfold as its supposed to. A definition of FAITH!
Then you can dive a bit deeper and include being attached and non attachment. Being attached meaning, it influences you/ me to do things out of character like control, and the best way is the way of non attachment. To be non attached to person, place or thing is scary. Everything I was taught not to do.
That rivals next to basic security. I attach to people, places and things out of safety, even it be a false sense of safety / security.
The idea is to create your own safety / security within by trusting that everything will work out the way its supposed to and if it doesn’t that is ok too, as things sometimes don’t work out like they are supposed to and that is ok too.
You can have faith that it will and send that frequency into the world that it will but everything doesn’t and being non attached to an outcome is FREEDOM!!!!!!!
Getting to the place of freedom is easier said than done. It comes from a place of scarcity, fear, un knowing, loss, depression, emptiness, loneliness, shame, guilt, frustration. Whatever the emotion or unknown is. I believe going thru the shadow self to uncover what it is, peeling back the layers and layers of what it is I’m holding to, expecting, wanting, needing and coming to the realization that I am good just how I am to truly believe. That takes guts, that also takes surrender.
It takes looking at yourself in front of a mirror, really looking at yourself, all your wrinkles, imperfections, age, and know that I am loved! This takes humbling. This takes surrendering.
It also takes, really loving yourself. Holding yourself. like when your mother or father would do it, the people that kept you safe. the ones who didnt get a manual in the hospital on how to raise kids and did it the best that they could, while working to support us, living in their cycles of life, generational traumas, for someone not breaking the cycles. experiencing all the pain of the ancestors.
something I strive to do is to feel, to break the cycle of the families traumas. I have siblings that also are breaking the cycles on how they raise their kids, I can see it. I have such wonderful siblings that are doing such bang up jobs being the best parents they know how to be.
Kids, never worked out for me as the universe had other intentions for me, but if I did have kids, I would be a damn good father. That kid would be so so loved! As I know what it is like to live with pain / suffering. and to know that, I have empathy.
Surrender is the key to it all! To finally realize that I can’t keeping fighting the fight and to give it all over to mother Earth and say, I TRUST!
Authentic and Free to be me 